5 steps to end suffering

“When you numb your pain, you numb your joy” -Brene Brown

Isn’t she just the smartest lady?!  She is amazing. So if you haven’t gotten her books or seen her speeches you definitely should do that. ASAP

I definitely did this in the past. I was unhappy in my marriage.  So I self medicated myself with food and alcohol to try to suppress the emotions that I didn’t like feeling. Self destruct mode was on ‘full speed ahead’!  When my marriage was over I took it even further. I was excelling at screwing up and suffering. I was barely holding it together. Good news is I came out the other side with a bunch of life lessons. I’m super grateful for that!  It could’ve ended very badly at the rate I was going!

I have been a student of personal development for years. I am fascinated by learning about human nature, how our minds work, emotional intelligence, what makes us tick.  I love reading books, watching documentaries/videos on this stuff!  In another life maybe I would be a researcher. 

For a long time I couldn’t figure out “what’s the point of all this”?  “Why are we here”?  “What is my purpose”?  It was really bugging me!  

It comes down to one thing:  connection. We were made to love each other, feel like we belong, to be our true selves with each other. So when we neglect our purpose we find ourselves in a very dark, lonely and sad place. 

What happens if we’ve been hurt so badly that we shut out the world and close our hearts off with huge brick walls around it?  We suffer. Here are 5 things I’ve learned that could help:

1. Courage. Even though you’re scared to open your heart and trust again, push yourself to let people into your life. To see the REAL you. Not all people are the same and just because you’ve been hurt by someone in the past doesn’t mean that ALL people will hurt you. It’s terrifying, I get it. Be strong and do not be fearful. 

2. Hope. Be optimistic. Know that you are worth it. Believe that you deserve love and belonging. You are loveable and worthy. 

3. Compassion. Pay yourself first by doing what you need to do for YOU!  Be kind to yourself. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. You can’t have compassion and empathy for others unless you do it for yourself first. 

4. Vulnerability. This is easy to say but sometimes hard to do. You have to be accessible and open so that people can get to know the REAL you. By sharing our emotions and thoughts we grow as a person and help each other. Fully embrace it. Let others really see you. 

5. Self reflection. When you look back at hard times in your life, what was the lesson?  Did you trust your instincts?  Did you pick emotionally unavailable people to be in your ‘trust circle’?  Do you need to raise your standards?  By doing this you will be able to trust yourself again to make the best choices. 

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