I’m recovering

I’m a recovering people pleaser. I literally used to let other people and their opinions of me dictate how I felt about myself. If someone did not like me, I was devastated.  If someone didn’t like something that I said I would apologize. If someone didn’t like something that I did it would wreck my day and often my week or month. All I would do is think about what I did wrong, how I could’ve done it differently and what I will do next time.
I would agonize about this over and over again. It was killing me inside.

Thankfully due to two things this has subsided. 1. Personal development (reading, podcasts, seminars). 2. Getting older (I think!  Ya just start to care less and realize what’s important)

Not everyone is going to like what I say, what I do, how I look, how I dance, how I teach my classes, how I write my blog, how I post pictures on Instagram or Facebook and that is OK!

Self confidence in my late teens and 20s was the absolute lowest. Through working on ‘the inside’ it really, REALLY helped!  I know in my soul that I operate with a caring and loving heart. And that is literally ALL I can do. That is the only thing in my control. How other people think and feel is not. So why stress about it?

How have you become more confident and comfortable in your own skin?  Have you always felt this way?  Let’s help each other. Sharing is the only way we can do that.

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25 Replies to “I’m recovering”

  1. I am continually working on not being a people pleaser. I do worry about what people think of me, not all the time but enough to make it impact on me sometimes. I need to stop though because it’s an impossible goal to reach!

  2. I spent so many years being a people pleaser! It was terrible and like you, having someone not like me or something I did or said would eat at me for days or weeks. It would make me miserable and I would obsess about how I could change it. It took me a long time to learn that I simply can’t live my life for other people and unfortunately it also involved me no longer having contact with my parents as they were the worst source of this kind of behavior. I have gotten so much better about this though and as a consequence, I am a much happier person.

  3. I find as I get older that I have more confidence. When I was younger I didn’t have much of it. I no longer care if I don’t please everyone. Life is too short.

  4. When I was younger I had a very low self esteem, I would try to make everyone happy and I would never be happy in my own skin. But that changed as I grew older and I realized that I’ll never please everyone. I also realized that even if I had faults, those were my faults and I had to know them in order to fix them. I realized that if I ever wanted someone to love me, I should love myself first!

  5. Welcome to the club. I spent my teen years trying to please everyone because I wanted to feel liked. Now I realize that you can’t please everyone and if they don’t want to be your friend then so be it.

  6. I deal with this same issue all the time, and though it’s much better than it used to be, I still struggle with it often – I’ll think it’s gone and then it’ll just rear up again and wreck everything. For me, one of the things that helps is having gotten closer to figuring out what the people-pleasing compulsion stems from. Fear of abandonment, sense of unworthiness, etc (not my personal issues, but these are common so I used them as examples) – any of those sorts of things tends to create a people pleaser, because the pleaser will do just about anything for the approval that staves off whatever it is the pleaser is avoiding (such as being abandoned, etc.).

    Life sure is a journey, huh?

  7. I am currently working on being more self confident, it’s really hard for me. I know that what other’s think of me shouldn’t mean anything to me, but it does. I’m going to start listening to more pod casts and reading books.

  8. It’s good to know that you’ve realized how important it is to value yourself. People will end up bringing you down if you keep listening to what they want you to do. It’s important that you know your limit and how much you respect yourself to now bow down to them.

  9. I think plenty of us deal with this same issue I know I have. I sort of still do. I try to play music and write to ignore other people comments and my negative thoughts about what they think. You are right, what they think is none of my business.

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