In high school we categorize ourselves… trying so desperately to find where we fit… Athlete, nerd, bank geek, partiers, etc. How did you classify yourself? I guess I would classify myself as an athlete/bank geek. I got along with everyone, I think… always including people no matter if they were different from me even though I was taught to do things differently than that (albeit not explicitly). I wasn’t the smartest, prettiest, most popular or the best athlete… I was just average, pretty quiet and super duper religious. Honestly, I was happy to leave that phase of my life behind and move onto other things. I left high school a year early to go to college 2 hours away. I wasn’t sad about it at all except that I had to leave my mom. I was ready to grow up and get on with it at 16 years young. I always wonder what my mom was thinking letting me go off on my own. I think she told me once “there was nothing I could do to stop you.” That’s true.
My oldest daughter has struggled this year finding out how she fits into her world. It’s kinda sad… She has come home crying because ‘so and so’ isn’t talking to her anymore. Or ‘so and so’ sat at her spot at the lunch table and she had to sit somewhere else by herself. Or heavier topics like ‘so and so’ has made negative comments about gays and (she) hates it. She’ll make comments like “She’s one of the popular girls”. I feel bad for her… but I guess it’s all a part of growing up. I didn’t like it either. It’s awkward and painful. Seems like a waste of energy looking back at it now. I try to explain to her, but it doesn’t really seem to sink in.
Adam (my husband) asked me the other day. “What life experience do you have to cry about when you tell YOUR story? Are you going to get up on stage and tell your sad story and then go into how you turned it all around into this magnificent triumph? You don’t have anything to cry about.” ha! He’s funny, hey? Looking back on my life so far, I would say… it wasn’t easy but I am fine with that. My parents divorced, my grandma died, my best friend died, I left my church, was shunned by family and friends, had 2 miscarriages, got divorced, my kids were kidnapped by their dad and held away from me, filed for bankruptcy, abused my body with food, drugs and alcohol, was a functionally depressed single mother, and my sister was diagnosed with an incurable disease. I’d have to say I have had a life full of hard lessons. I’m not crying about it though (except for my sister’s disease, I cry and complain about that all the time). All these things made me tough and who I am. And there is always someone else with harder problems than these.
I think the cool kids are the ones who have gone through the worst of times, picked themselves up, gotten stronger in the process and rocked at life in their own way. That’s COOL and interesting to me. Life can be super hard and challenging. I like the cool kids who have looked at defeat in the face, laughed and said “not today defeat, not today.”
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