I was about 210-215 pounds at my heaviest. I had come to accept that I was just going to be fat. The fat and funny one…. Or at least trying to be funny. I put on a total confidence facade. Pretending to be ‘A’OK’ with being over 200 pounds.
I gave away all my ‘skinny’ clothes because I would surely never fit into those again. The sizes I kept buying kept going UP, I swore ‘those damn stores keep changing their sizing!!!’
I gave up on family pictures because I was the fat one. So I was always the one TAKING the pictures rather than being in them.
If someone forced me to be in a picture I would try to hide in the back of the other people.
When friends or family posted pictures of me on Facebook and tag me I would cringe. Thinking ‘everyone in the whole world is gonna see this!!!’ Uggggh. No!!!! Why did they HAVE to post this!!????
Mentally, I was a disaster. Depressed and suffering on the inside. But on the outside I appeared happy to everyone else. I was a total bitch to my husband most of the time and I never wanted intimacy. I was even short with my kids. Cause I hated myself.
I did not KNOW that I could get control of it. The bingeing, food addiction, eating the wrong food and alcohol problems. I did not know that I didn’t need to kill myself in the gym. In fact, I was already doing that. Teaching so many intense dance classes per week. Nothing was working!!!
Just wanted to write this to give you the chance to hope. It can get a lot better and you can be happier and healthier.
Parents especially tend to put ourselves at the back of the list. Taking care of everything and everyone before US. That takes a toll on us mentally, physically and emotionally. We really gotta stop doing that. Take care of YOU first, then help everyone else.
You are a GOOD person. And you deserve to be happy!
You can do it!!!!! Go team!!!
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